Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
