Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
