probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
