i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
