Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had to cum in my sink.
is it fun? or sober?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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