So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
