I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
