I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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