And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Pooping to opera.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
