If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
