Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
