No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
