tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
