you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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