I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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