How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
