its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
