Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
