I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
