yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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