Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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