$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i love accidental penises.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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