do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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