And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
