so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
