I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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