I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
