dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
