I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
