Sorry, I don't speak sober.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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