my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
