I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
