yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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