my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
even my farts smell like vagina
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
