So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
