Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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