Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
