that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
