you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
