He uses pillows to masturbate.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
