there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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