yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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