I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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