I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My penis needs a shock collar
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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