Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
