if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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