can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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