Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
