i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i came on her dog
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
