are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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