Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
